T-shirts!
I had some made, and you can own one! This guy certainly looks like he's glad to be wearing one!
They're "Aqua" colored American Apparel shirts. I can mail them to you (which will cost you $3 in shipping), or if you're in the Louisville area and we know each other I can just give it to you when I see ya (leave a note on how this might happen on the order form). Supplies are limited, and not in a "Hey I want to trick you into buying this" way, but rather a "I couldn't afford to make too many of these" way.

I also had some books made. It's roughly 38 pages of drawings and things like drawings (some of which are probably offensive to people that are either children or weaklings). For some reason I had them printed on some really thick paper, so you could probably kill insects with them if needed. Or fend off children and weaklings.
As with the t-shirts, I can either mail it to you which will cost a little more, or I can just give it to you in person if that seems like something that could happen. Supplies of this are also really limited.